wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
