I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
