You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
