Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You have to summon your inner elephant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
