Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
