Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
