You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
