i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
