I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
