I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
