Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
and you fell through a lawn chair
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
