Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
