I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Couch. On fire.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
