You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are we still banned from the library?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
