Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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