Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
