It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
