Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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