Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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