Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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