Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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