Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
