You work out of a Hotel?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
