you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
