doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
