genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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