I cannot find my penis.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
