His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
