Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
