omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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