bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
