you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
