??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
