i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
