are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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