Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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