ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
