If that was your dad, he is hot
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am one with the molecules
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
