So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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