The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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