So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
