dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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