If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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