I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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