tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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