i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
