I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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