white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You smell like stripper and shame
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
