Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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