I met the friendliest cop last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
