So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
